Observer

A Bishop and the Demons

The day was dreary and the skies were gray, for it has been that way in the Northeast this spring. My mood matched the weather, but I knew I should not indulge in murky thoughts. After all, I told myself, we Americans are enjoying a new Golden Age. We know about this new Golden Age because the president has proclaimed it to be so, and lucky for us that he did, for otherwise we might have missed it.

I decided to lift my spirits by tuning into Fox News, knowing that if anybody had something good to say about the Golden Age, well, Fox would be the place for it. Luckily for me, an assortment of attractive men and women with gleaming teeth were expounding on this very subject. My dark mood vanished as the people on the screen assured me that regardless of the price I am paying for the necessities of life, i.e., whiskey, greens fees, potatoes and gasoline (in a very particular order), the Golden-Haired Colossus of America has it all under control.

I sensed that the men and women with the gleaming teeth were not happy with Americans who have concluded that the golden age is about as authentic as a degree from Trump University. Such people, the gleaming teeth set said, clearly don’t realize Donald Trump is trying to undo the long-term economic damage caused by Joe Biden, Barack Obama, Nancy Pelosi, Bill and Hillary Clinton, Jimmy Carter, Lyndon Johnson, John Kennedy, Harry Truman, Franklin Roosevelt, Eleanor Roosevelt, Woodrow Wilson, Grover Cleveland and James Buchanan. “Why, I’d even throw in Millard Fillmore,” one of the sets of gleaming teeth said, flashing his pearlies.

“Fillmore was a Whig, not a Democrat,” another set of gleaming teeth said.

This led to speculation about politicians who wore wigs, which led to a conversation about trans people in politics. The attractive men and women on the screen seemed less than enthusiastic about this prospect, although it must be said that they all had nice hair and had no need for wigs, and perhaps not even Whigs.

I had to turn off the program at that point as my doctors have ordered me to go easy on screen time, especially if the screen is showing ridiculous people (even if they are attractive and have gleaming teeth) saying ridiculous things that 40 percent of the country believes to be true.

The next day, however, was quite like the day before, dark and murky and unpleasant. I felt the need to be reassured again that the metaphorical skies are bright and that the metaphorical clouds had a metaphorical silver, no, golden lining. So I switched on Fox News again.

The network’s entertainers were interviewing a Roman Catholic bishop named Robert Barron, who, I gathered, has become a regular contributor. His Grace presides over a flock in southern Minnesota although I would later learn that he has had many things to say about the mayor of New York City, a metropolis far removed from his episcopal seat. His Grace appears to believe that New York’s mayor somehow seized power against the will of the voters and will soon impose socialism on all decent Americans who hate the idea of universal health care, low-cost public transportation, and affordable groceries.

The bishop clearly believed he was talking common sense, which is what Fox News is all about, as the network’s entertainers often point out. He seemed upset about the tone of public debate in America, a topic that surely must concern the people of good will who tune into Fox News for their daily entertainment.

He said people should stop demonizing the Trump Administration and its policies. In fact, he said, he often speaks to people in the Trump administration, and they are most eager to engage in civil dialogue with anybody. He talked about a soul-searching conversation he had with Tom Homan, Trump’s border czar. His Grace seemed very sympathetic to the czar’s plight, so much so that he avoided any mention of the czar’s reported meetings with members of the Proud Boys, whose commitment to the non-demonization of opponents appears to be questionable at best.

Nevertheless, the bishop said, it was time to stop demonizing the Trump administration.

At that moment, the timer on my phone went off, reminding me that I had reached the limit of the time I am allowed to spend consuming ridiculous things on my screens. Doctor’s orders, you see. Blood pressure and all that.

I was reluctant to turn off the screen because I was eager to hear what the bishop might have to say about a president who calls former presidents “traitors” (making them subject to the death penalty), who referred to Somali immigrants as “garbage,” who labels people – especially if they are people of color, as “low IQ,” who posts nightly insults directed at his fellow Americans who disagree with him, and who accused the pope of being “soft on crime.”

I’m sure the bishop must have condemned this sort of demonization, but I’ll never know, as I had already reached my daily limit of contact with ridiculous people.