Observer
For Trump's July 4 Party, A Modest Proposal
His Royal Flatulence, Ignoramus Rex, is having a hard time finding entertainers willing to participate in a musical tribute to his greatness as the nation prepares to celebrate its 250th anniversary. He now wants to cancel the program and instead mark the anniversary with a one-man show on the National Mall that will leave no doubt about his fitness for the high office that God or some other entity has granted him.
This means that rather than the usual renditions of patriotic songs and dramatic readings that usually mark Independence Day, we will be treated to a multi-hour Trumpian monologue (this could require a discreet diaper change – it all depends) which no doubt will include a historic reenactment of his latest cognitive test.
It’s almost shocking that Trump has not seized the moment to provide his adoring fans with the sort of patriotic entertainment they’ve been expecting ever since he took office again last year. An imaginative celebration of Trumpian Order could combine MAGA’s love of performed cruelty with the political agenda they support.
All it takes is a little creative thinking and a willingness to break down all the rules written by out-of-touch elites.
Just a few weeks ago, Trump declared (not for the first time) that some of his predecessors and their associates are traitors. This, of course, is what many in MAGA have been saying for some time. But some have questioned their dear leader’s commitment to savagery because people like Nancy Pelosi, John Brennan, Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton and Joe Biden still walk the land.
The Trumpapalooza on July 4 offers Trump a golden opportunity to execute one of MAGA’s top goals by executing the people he regards as traitors. While the method of execution might cause serious debate within MAGA, since gun owners obviously would prefer firing squads while the Jan. 6 barbarians have a soft spot for hanging, it’s pretty clear that Pelosi, Brennan, Obama, Clinton, Biden and others should meet their end in electric chairs. This would allow His Royal Flatulence to preside over the proceedings by announcing, “YOU’RE FRIED!”
This exciting spectacle would attract a large paying crowd, with proceeds going directly to the Trump Organization. There would be no money-back offers if MAGA is not completely satisfied.
Having dispatched the traitors, Trump could then call on several thousand unvaccinated children and adults to enter the Mall and shake hands with and hug all those in attendance. This would highlight MAGA’s commitment to science based on Biblical truths rather than human ingenuity. After all, if God had wanted us to be free of polio, smallpox, measles, whooping cough, rubella, mumps, diphtheria, hepatitis and the flu, well, He wouldn’t have invented them. The righteous people in the audience could then be told to buy chances at $100 per ticket for the opportunity to win a quart of raw milk presented by Robert F. Kennedy Jr. All proceeds would be donated with the Trump Organization.
Finally, and this is where it could get truly exciting as the celebration moves to all that makes MAGA great, several dozen immigrants equally divided between those with papers and those without (as long as they are not white) would be led into several steel cages set up on the Mall. ICE officers armed with AR-15s would then demonstrate their sharpshooting skills from 20 feet.
This great commemoration of Trumpian Dependance on July 4 would be something nobody’s ever seen before. Everybody would be talking about it.
It’s hard to imagine why such a plan hasn’t yet been discussed. Perhaps Fox News should have a word with His Royal Flatulence. Let’s face it: This would be a ratings smash!